I ask you, why is it such a flat-out ordeal to get out-of-town on vacation? Even though, I have always known in advance of a major trip that includes me, with very few exceptions I find I’m way under prepared. So negotiating a reasonable departure time is extremely critical.

“Well, are you up for getting up and getting out of here at a decent hour tomorrow.  We’ve got a long drive ahead of us, you know.”

It isn’t exactly like we’re Lewis and Clark, but yes, Kansas does not border Texas. But cagey wins the race.

“What time do you want to leave??”

“I think we should leave ’bout 8:30?”

Ludicrous, I think. Might as well just stay up all night.

“That’s a bit early, doncha think? I’m thinking more like 10:30.”

“Oh, c’mon, 10:30! Do you know what time that will put us in to the motel tomorrow night?  We should be looking at leaving no later than 9.”

Well, jeeze it isn’t like someone at La Quinta expects us for cocktails.

“Okay, I know you want to get on the road, I think I can get all the last-minute things done so that we can leave at 10 sharp.”

The counter offer was 9:30. I said 9:45 and we had a deal. We pulled out the next morning at 10:39. Neither of us mentioned our earlier conversation. Come to think of it, we never do.

Road trip snacks clearly fall into 2 separate and distinct categories. There are “Fast Gobble” and “Slow Gobble” snacks.

It is a delicate balance to have sufficient supply of both: too much of the former, and you can hardly drag yourself out of the car into the truck stop for an open face roast beef sandwich. On the other hand, if you have an abundance of the latter, you may find yourself thrusting them on your hostess and eating them every day for the rest of your vacation.

Here is a chart that illustrates these truths. Feel free to adjust it to your own family and circumstances. Ennnnjoy.

      Fast Gobble                              Versus                    Slow Gobble 

1. Chocolate Covered Cherries                        Wintergreen Life Savers
2. Potato Chips                                                   Pretzels
3. Cheez-its                                                         Chex Mix
4. Bubble Gum                                                    Classic Dentyne Gum
5. Bing Cherries                                                  Apples
6. Chocolate Chip Cookies                                 Animal Crackers

I have to admit, I am not 100 percent with this project. It is squatting squarely on the drawing board if you know what I mean.  Right now I’m calling it the What’s In Your Drawers Series. This particular one is Junk Drawer: Before, 1/1.

Even though I am hypnotically drawn by the compelling juxtaposition of the mundane with the more mundane, I do worry that the message is somewhat cluttered.

The title of the article was a little provocative, “Just how old are your spices?” It went on to chirp about organizing for the new year, crowing a bit about the satisfaction of clearing out and setting a bar for a clutter-free, healthier Tomorrow.

Okay, okay — spices. It’s true they take up an inordinate amount of space in an extraordinary tiny kitchen. I hate to toss out spices when I know the next recipe I want to make will want a garlic and herb seasoning blend. BUT, I thought — what good the spice if too tired to contribute to the dish?

I took 8 of my spice bottles at random out of the cupboard. I chose all McCormick brand so that I could use their online date de-coder to find out exactly the age of the products I was sheltering.  

Read it and weep. 

Two of the spices, parsley and lemon peel, do not have the right identifying marks on the bottle to code their age. (Actually the parsley looks pretty green and the lemon peel looks pretty tired, so I decide thumbs up and thumbs down.) Celery seed is a bright spot. It’s  vibrant, ready to mix it up with any recipe til March, 2011.

Minced Onions announce their prime was 2 years ago. Ever since 2002, Basil has been a bust.  Oh my, I thought — not good for creating the perfect meals. 

But just when I thought, whew — that was an exercise, I typed in the code for Garlic and Herb Seasoning, then Sage Leaves and finally Pumpkin Pie Spice.

Garlic and Herb is 13 years old; blends only last 1 -2 years top. Sage Leaves clocked in at 21 years making it legal for them to get a drink but way over the estimated lifespan of 1-3 years. And Pumpkin Pie Spice, well , it is a good thing that I haven’t made a pumpkin pie in a while cause the spice is 27 years old!

Yeah, this was fun.

I rounded the corner at the grocery store headed toward the dairy case. A man was standing there holding onto a quart of whipping cream with both hands as if it was going to escape from him at any second. 

He said, “Could I ask you something?”

 “Sure.” 

“My mother makes this dessert. It has a whole lot of whipped cream in it. She takes an  an angel food cake, tears it into pieces and puts it into a bowl. Then she pours chocolate over all of it. And then, I think she covers everything with whipped cream, and puts tin foil on it so that it is tight and puts a plate on the top to hold it down. It is the best dessert I ever had.”

He holds the carton up and asks, “Do you think this is what she uses?”

“I bet so,” I replied.  

“Is this the kind that you stir up with the electric hand mixer?”

“Yeah, it is. Now it won’t be sweet unless you add sugar. Is your mother’s whipped cream sweet?”

“Sweet. It is real sweet, the best dessert I ever had. How much sugar do you think she adds — a couple of spoonfuls?”

“Yeah probably, at least a couple of spoonfuls. Whip the cream up before you add sugar. Taste it as you go to see if it is sweet enough.  You’re going to have a lot.  How many people are eating dessert?”

“Just her and me,” he says. “It’s the best dessert I ever had. She just can’t quite remember how to make it anymore.”

 “Thanks,” he said as he turned to leave, “I’m going to give it a whirl.”

Later after I put my groceries away, I drifted toward the computer and found myself looking for an angel food ice box cake recipe. I found a lot of them. I guess it was a real show stopper dessert about 60 years ago when a hostess would finish hooverizing and head toward the kitchen. Tuck this recipe somewhere in case you run into someone who has forgotten how to make it. 

Inspired by the Jimmy Dean sausage commercials where the rather fruity Sun guy chides his colleagues for falling down on the job and then saves them all by passing a round of egg’n sausage sandwiches, I’ve decided to exercise an option over the universe. Ta da…

Let’s beef up the color scheme for rainbows. From the ordinaire — Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, and Violet, to the extraordinaire — Scarlet, Bittersweet, Canary, Emerald, Cornflower, Eggplant, and Lavender.

Well, while we are at it, how ’bout if the “Red, White and Blue” is now “Crimson, Alabaster and Navy?”

“Black and White” is now “Raven and Snowflake.” Green, Yellow and Red traffic lights are  now Snow-Pea, Lemon and Cherry.

“Black and Blue?” No, “Sable and Ultramarine.”

Going for a black belt? Let’s call it Ebony. And in between — there’s Ivory, Citron, Carrot, Pistachio, Alice Blue, and Cocoa.

I feel better already, don’t you?  Pass me a sandwich, willya?

Sometimes holidays are just so reluctant to leave the house. It’s as if they believe that they just got their last invitation. Used to be there was good reason. 

When I was a fan of post holiday sales even my favorite things could easily be usurped in one fell swoop at a good clearance sale.  But, most times their fears are unfounded.

Inventory is always real spotty a week into January. Who needs or wants a flock of Precious Moments Angel Babies with their basset hound teardrop eyes?

Besides I hear the Precious Moments market has really tanked. The kitschy figurines complete with inspirational messages and Christian themes are the brainchild of Samuel Butcher, an artist and business man. They were first produced in the seventies, as an outsourced operation in Asia. 

Carthage, Missouri is the state-side home of Precious Moments Inc. where founder Butcher (and sons) have created a complex centered around an homage to the Sistine Chapel albeit with dead baby angels illustrating the Biblical high points.

In its hey day, Precious Moments Park attracted 400,000+ visitors. Attendance is half that now. Wisely PMI has shut down the Fountain of Angels, Wedding Island, the RV park and Super Sam’s Restaurant to concentrate on core operations — a Huge gift shop and of course the replica of the Sistine Chapel which continues to strike most visitors speechless.

Butcher reportedly lives in the Philippines where he runs a small foundation and a big resort complete with a Precious Moments gift shop.  Wonder if he still has his decorations up?