Waffle on the Wing

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Port Aransas, Texas

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A Cautionary Tail

If you give a pig a pancake

If you drink too much scotch, you wake up with your stomach wandering around in your throat so you have to run down to the kitchen and mix baking soda with water and gulp it noisily over the sink.

Your mouth has a gritty feel to it so you have to fling open the refrigerator door and grab the first thing you see which is cold vegetarian pizza made from scratch that tastes really gummy and leaves a big grease stain on your t-shirt.

So you need to go back upstairs, wrench open the closet door and start trying on clothes just to find that you have nothing to wear.

So you leave on the last thing you tried and grab your wallet and head for the department store.

On the way, you remember you didn’t brush your teeth so you pull over to the new artisan gelato shop on Main and order a small lemon curd.

When you are leaving you nearly trip over the black lab mix waiting patiently for his owner to bring him some water so you drive straight to the vet to buy cat food.

You pass by the kennel of rescue animals and one smiles at you so you bring home a beagle mix with Bette Davis eyes.

So when everyone finally goes to bed you pour yourself a scotch.

(With acknowledgement to Laura Numeroff who wrote “If you Give a Pig a Pancake,” one of a collection of charming what-if tales for kids.)

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12 -13 -13

If I didn’t already have a birthday, I wouldn’t mind having this one.

Today is the drawing for the really Big lottery. If you don’t have objections to gambling, it would probably be a good idea to rush out and plunk down a dollar. I think it’s a cheap way to entertain myself — imagining how to spend all that moolah. For all practical purposes, I’m a multi-millionaire all the way up to the time the last number is announced. 

Only in the good ole U.S. of A.

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Between December and January

Pablo Neruda Railway Museum, Temuco, Chile

Pablo Neruda Railway Museum, Temuco, Chile (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I went to the Sanibel Bookshop today.

It’s a typical indie bookshop in an up-scale beach town: displays of hard-bound best-sellers, lots of local authors, a deftly-curated kid section and gifty things –coasters, stationary, candles and the like. The two staff are the kind of competent and earnest types served up by a Junior League.

“Yes, it is my first time… Uhhh no, really, I’m fine… Just lookin’… Yeah, I sure will, Thanks.”

Left on my own, I sidle up the aisles and check out the wares. I want to buy Mary Oliver’s new book of poetry, Dog Songs, for my sister who has gotten a new dog. But it’s not there. But there is book by the poet/author Pablo Neruda called The Book of Questions. 

To the staff’s credit, they simply ring it up, they don’t go on and on about much of anything.  I like that a lot.

Pablo Neruda died in 1973; this book is 320 questions that compose 74 sequences.  (Translated by William O’Daly) And I tell you, it’s JUST WHAT  you need to simmer down during a hectic holiday season.

Here are 3 of the his 320 questions. Sit and wonder.

pablo nerudaIf I have died and don’t know it
of whom do I ask the time?

Tell me, is the rose naked
or is that her only dress?

And what is the name of the month
that falls between December and January?

(Sketch – Andre Alvez)

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I don’t know Florida

But I do know this:

I’m going where the sun keeps shining
Thru the pouring rain,
Going where the weather suits my clothes.
Backing off of the North East breeze
Sailing on a summer breeze
And skipping over the ocean like a stone.

I love this Nilsson song. And when I hear it, I see Dustin Hoffman slumped in his seat on a Greyhound bus with Jon Voight fussing over him because he really wants to believe their lives are just beginning instead of ending.

I mean, it is so grand and so tragic. But apart from all that, really doesn’t it make such good sense to go to a place where the weather suits your clothes?

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We’re here.

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You’re either in or you’re out

Some people love casseroles, some, decidedly don’t. I land squarely in the former. Witness what I just ate heartily in a rv park outside of Troy, Alabama:

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Truth be known, had I not tweaked this from the instructions on the Broccoli Cheddar Cheese Mac Pasta Packet, I’d likely be singing a different tune. I mean, who adds raw onion and green pepper to a mac dish that only cooks for 10 minutes?

Sure, it makes it a 2 pan dish, but let’s face it, totally worth it. And who doesn’t add mushrooms and a white wine and butter to up the flavor?  Pepper generously and dust with salt.

It’s better than I remember. Sig ate Grape Nuts.

PS: Yes, it is snowing on my blog. It’s December, after all.

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Mistaken Identity

Pumpkin Master

I have a huge pumpkin head that looks like Tim, my mailman. I don’t know if Tim thinks he looks like the pumpkin. It’s kind of a hard conversation to drift into.

Hey, Tim how are ya? Yeah. Good, glad to hear it.

I’ve been thinkin’ – do you think you look like that pumpkin sitting on the ledge there?

Really? Hmm. I think you’re a dead ringer.

But I hear what you’re sayin’. The hairline is really not even close. Oh and I guess the cheeks are a little puffier than yours, and the eyes a little glazed. Ok, you’ve made your point, Tim. Just step away from the pumpkin. Forget  I mentioned it.

This pumpkin is the brain child of Ray Villafane, an educator and artist, who has taken pumpkin-carving to a Spectacular art. He also does sand-sculpture and toys. Check out his pumpkin photo gallery before you start your own, maybe you can capture your mail-man. 

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