So after you read the paper, then whatta you going to do? Here’s a suggestion. Visit www.wordle.net and make yourself a word cloud. It’s free, it’s easy and it’s very creative. You will look like a genius, check it out.
Here’s something for the back of a t-shirt.
Or how about this for the front of a party invitation.
Here’s one suitable for framing. 
It may be hard to believe but it’s awful hard to get a good photograph of the Corn Palace.
Even at 9:30 Sunday morning hordes of tourists congregate on the surrounding sidewalks — gawking at the building and squawking at kids who, lemme tell you — are really not all that interested in this building or probably any other building in Mitchell, South Dakota.
For over 100 years, people of Mitchell have believed that decorating a building in the middle of town with indian corn, grains, husks, grasses, and other agrarian waste will entice travelers to stop, marvel, buy a coke’nsnack and pick up a souvenir.
Every year they dream up a new theme, tear off last year’s murals and complete new ones, ear by ear. And a half million people stop by.
The current Corn Palace is the third actual palace. And it was built not only to celebrate the harvest but serve as a multi-purpose center for dances, concerts, games and banquets. Rates — all day $1250 without alcohol, $1500 with alcohol.
Looking for next year’s stocking stuffer? Set yourself apart with Carmel Cobs, soft and chewy caramelcorn shaped like a good-sized corn on the cob. Buy them on-line from the Corn-cession gift shop. A case of 18 is only $39.99.
This is American commerce at the top of its game.
Here is a minor diversion. Check out www.popcornpainting.com
PS: If it is important that you not draw any attention to yourself while you are simply sitting deeply engaged with your computer, make sure your volume is dialed down. Let it rip later for a full experience.
Bargains are to me the universe’s way of saying, “Hey, I think you need a boost.”
“Really. Why?” I say.
“Why? Well, no particular reason, just Enjoy.”
When I’m in the mood to prod the universe, I hang out at bargain-friendly places. Among my favorites is a salvage and overstock retailer in Independence, Missouri with the unfortunate name of Cargo Largo. It is a sprawling warehouse of a building right off a thoroughfare with heavy traffic, car dealerships and fast food restaurants.
There’s a little bit of everything — furniture, rugs, tools, electronics, office supplies, cosmetics, food and so on and so on. Giant cardboard boxes crowd the center aisles with the latest Big Overstock Deal. The Boutique is in the middle fenced in by display cases like Conestogas on a prairie. Clerks stroll the inside edge bringing out designer clothes, high-end jewelry and stylish housewares when a customer wants a closer look.
A voice over the loudspeaker announces instant sales much like the blue light specials K-Marts were fond of doing before Wal-Mart steamrolled over them.
It is a great representative democracy except on weekends when pigskin trumps commerce for some. No matter how different the crowd, they act as one tribe — commenting on items in baskets, jostling good-naturedly through bottle-necks, and steering strangers toward a deal on paper plates.
Two years ago I bought a set of dishes for 7.00 a place setting. Come to find out they were hand painted porcelain, a line of dishes named after major cities in the world. Mine are called Sao Paulo. I found them on the internet for over 300 a place setting. Yeah, the universe was sure on its game that day.
One of these days I am going to use them.
A cat threw up on a stack of new magazines sitting on the piano. Annoying.
I like my magazines to be unwrinkled and clean and after I read them I like to pass them on. I can’t do that with these — so I cleaned them up best I could, let them dry and read them quickly. Here’s stuff worth passing on.
Good ideas: Spray snow shovel with non stick cooking spray so snow will slide off. Light candles with raw spaghetti. Hang Christmas lights on a tree vertically instead horizontally of round and round. Put a just washed/rinsed cashmere sweater in a salad spinner to get out excess water. (Yeah, make that thing work harder for taking up so much space just for drying lettuce!)
In the wonder if it works category: Put a dryer sheet in the bottom of a tough-to-clean pan, fill with warm water and soak overnight. Then clean it some time on the second day.
Just plain silly: Buy a brightly colored wallet so that you can find it quickly in your purse.
I like to while away a few hours on the computer every once and awhile. My go-to game used to be Spider Solitaire. But I have not progressed in expertise with any kind of vigor. In fact, I’m stuck in intermediate land with a 20% win ratio.
Pretty bad, I know. My average took a huge dip when unbeknownst to me, I was playing in the advanced level and lost every game for a straight 6 weeks. (Now, there is a humbling experience.)
I tried Farmville, but after having to babysit three plots of strawberries with no harvest in sight, I moved back to the city.
There is always FreeRice, the site where idle time can sharpen your wits and benefit others. Definitely worth it.
Borrow a page from a successful campaign to gather support for a favorite cause.
Around here the first weekends of the month are when the flea markets open up. Good Ju Ju is down off 12th street in the KC bottoms, where cattle used to come on their way to dinner, so to speak. What’s left in the area are a couple of good restaurants, warehouses, and Kemper Arena, home of the American Royal — a big deal horse and livestock show.
A number of the warehouses come alive around Halloween with names such as Chamber of Horrors and Macabre House. But once a month the perennially crafty recyclers who run Good Ju Ju pull some of their best stuff outside, pouf out their vintage aprons and turn on the music.
Today I bought square orange bake-lite clip earrings and a paper mache reindeer bucket annnd a tall metal lifeguard chair. I drug the chair out to the back yard close enough to the bird bath where it can welcome the opening of the pool season. I noticed a couple of upcoming trends: paint old furniture bright primary colors, rub them while wet so that the a little bit of the finish shows through and drape lamp shade skeletons with net petticoats. Doncha just love commerce?
Want to instantly age a photo? Here is a picture I took of an rest stop on a road trip through Kansas a couple of years back. (I plan to blow it up and hang it in a bathroom. But that’s not what I wanted to talk about.) I ran across Bakumatsu Koshashin Generator in my net wandering. Check out what happens when I upload this to their site.
Here’s the same photo, transformed. So you might ask, why would you want to do that? But then, if you are asking — you probably don’t take pictures unless you are at the Great Wall of China or it’s your dog’s birthday. Personally I think it is useful if you were chosen to do the power point for your friend’s parents’ 5oth anniversary and all you have to work with are current pictures of their first house, for instance. Think about it.
Post script: Kansas is one of those places where men are men and women are ladies. It’s like that in Texas too, I noticed.
Nothing like waking up in your own bed after being gone for some time. I read that it doesn’t matter how much you pay for a mattress, you have the same chance of getting something that is right for you. People who have good luck with mattresses are those who put on some comfortable clothes, take their pillows and sleep-masks and go try them out in the stores.
Our mattress was a mail order from an ad in the Kansas City Star. It came from the Edna Mattress Factory in Edna, Kansas about 166 miles from Coffeyville. The mattresses are custom-made in the building next door to the showroom and delivered right to your bedroom. (www.ednamattress.net )
Ours was delivered on Thanksgiving Day 18 years ago. The two guys who brought it in had relatives in Kansas City and were headed over there for dinner after they finished hauling in the mattress. Lots to be thankful for that day.