Asparagus Stalk-er

I have a new and unlikely hero. Euell Gibbons.

Gibbons was a naturalist and writer who did tv commercials in the seventies; typically he stood in a roadside ditch waving a cattail as he talked about living off the land. I thought he was a fruit cake wacko.

But the other day, I read an account of a 6 day camping trip he took with John McPhee one fall in Pennsylvania. Called The Forager, the story is part of Secret Ingredients, a collection of stories, mostly funny, from the New Yorker magazine on all things gastronomic.  

The two set out with a canoe, sleeping bags, nested pots and a Coleman stove. They did not carry any food supplies with them intending to gather all of their meals from the countryside. After the first few days, they agreed they would introduce, a meal at a time, certain staples such as salt and cooking oil picked up en route.

Euell Gibbons ate what he foraged because he liked it not because he was a survivalist. Left to his own devices he’d make liberal use of butter, eggs and spices.  

Along with describing the 16 meals they share, McPhee includes Gibbon’s wry observations about all manner of things and interesting details about his fully lived life. The fortunate reader gets to vicariously feast on dandelion roots, oyster mushrooms,  persimmons and catnip tea.  

Gibbons was 64 when he died in ’75. If he was alive today I bet he’d have a huge following with Tweets such as:  

Not suffering like the early Christians. 

Mushroom? Toadstool? Learn the good ones or die.

Toss out the crops. Eat the weeds.

I never was a hay burner.  

March is Tough

It is March Madness. It snowed, KU didn’t have a good day and Denver, the sweet yellow lab, got busted. I could have launched my campaign to clean a little area each day but …. I didn’t.

I did rummage through the shelf alcove next to the refrigerator where I store all printed materials related to anything mechanical. (Funny how you repeat the habits of your family, my mother always stuffed everything like that in a certain kitchen drawer.)

It was a memory lane sort of task, where is the pizza stone, the espresso foamer, the clay pot that roasted chicken and carrots? 

Oh, here are the directions for my Superfast Waterproof Pocket Thermometer! Great, I need it now. 

I made pork tenderloin with an onion pan sauce, roasted parsleyed potatoes, and carrots with tarragon and white wine. It turned out to be a good day.

Play it again, boys

BMI is the performing rights organization in charge of collecting royalties for US songwriters. They put together a list of the top 100 played songs on American radio and television up to 1999.

Get this, the number one song on the list has been played 8 million times. If you started playing it right now, it would take over 45 years to reach 8 million.

Could you stand to listen to this for that long?

BTW, do you want to find new music that sounds like stuff you like? Visit music-map, type in Righteous Brothers and a visual word map will appear showing music groups similar to them.  The closer the groups are, the greater the likelihood if you love one you’ll love the other. This sixties pop group is right next to the Righteous Brothers. 

Cutesy

Ok, there is Etsy, where you can buy all kinds of handmade and vintage stuff which led to Heartsy where you can get discount vouchers for stuff from Etsy and then there is Regretsy where Etsy products of questionable value are lampooned without mercy and without censorship.

Itsy and bitsy are still up for grabs if you don’t count the itsy bitsy spider song.

Goodbye Liz

It seems to me the world is a little less glamorous today without Elizabeth Taylor. Which is a little odd since we had pretty much of a non relationship. My notion of her is formed by the Public Eye which was unable to turn its gaze whenever she showed up.  

So through the years I sorta watched her movie career unfold, gossiped about her choice of men, at times marveled at her spot-on indifference to snipers, and envied her drop-dead beauty.

It’s just too bad that a death often prompts the finest tributes to a life.  And so we hear that she was the first and probably the last of the great movie stars. She was a breathtaking beauty, an activist, a philanthropist, a humanitarian, a businesswoman, a stalwart friend, a comedienne and a protective nurturing mother.

No question about it. Her life seems gloriously lived and I’m sure she would have loved to hear today’s chatter about her.  

Personally, I liked hearing that she and Debbie Reynolds were still friends in spite of that Eddy Fisher thing.  And I liked learning that she had a mutation that caused her to have double rows of eyelashes. And I liked knowing that she was surrounded by her family at the end.

Look Who’s Here

 

Every year, back comes spring, with nasty little birds yapping their fool heads off and the ground all mucked up with plants.

Dorothy Parker reportedly spent lunches for 10 years straight sitting around a round table in the Algonquin hotel in New York wisecracking with her literary friends.

Her quotes are perfect when you buy a blank greeting card and then draw a blank at figuring out what to write. Tuck these somewhere with your extra stamps:  

The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.

This wasn’t just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.  

Starry Night

The 100 Word Challenge from Velvet Verbosity invites writers to tell a story in exactly 100 words based on a one word prompt. This week’s word is sleek

SuperMoon was down a flight of stairs from the sidewalk. The door opened to a wide hallway with a ceiling lit like a starry night.  

Jay stood inside facing the entrance. 

He had been the gatekeeper ever since the club opened. His custodian’s job paid the bills but every night except on Sundays, he was at the club. SuperMoon attracted a sleek, moneyed crowd partial to late nights, highballs and muted jazz.

Jay pulled at his shirt sleeves and patted his hair.  Tonight’s the night, he told himself. He opened the door, nodded hello and nothing was ever the same.

Happy St. Pat’s Day

The first time I heard the Elders was at a big party. They had donated a night of music as part of party package for an auction and a friend of ours had the winning bid. It was sooo much fun. Looking back it is not surprising the band has since become a Celtic Rock Super Group.

The 6 member band proudly declares they were founded in 1998. Lead vocalist Ian Byrne hails from Ireland but the rest of the band are “American, Kansas City and Midwestern –bonded by a love of all things Irish.”  

It’s lucky for us that they found one another. Here are the Elders singing a song about Irish girls; it has the lyrics so you can singalong which along with drinking a green beer or two is guaranteed to set irish eyes a’smiling.   

PS: Happy Birthday Jacqueline!

Remembering Henry

And so if, as rarely happened, a customer was distressed over a price, or irritated by the quality of an Ace bandage or ice pack, Henry did what he could to rectify things quickly.

Tilting his head toward his unhappy customer he’d position his rather over-size ears to catch every word and nuance of the complaint. His eyes would narrow in concentration. He’d tuck his chin down and absentmindedly rub his hands together.  

He would look down at the item splayed forlornly on the counter, cup his hands, gather it up, and stand there holding it against his chest. And then he would say,  “You are absolutely right.  This is just not right for you; I’ll take it home with me.”

In all the years Henry ran the corner pharmacy, he never lost a customer.

Ya think?

Dear Abby,

1) A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I’ve never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?

 2) I have a man I can’t trust. He cheats so much, I’m not even sure the baby I’m carrying is his.

3) I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It’s getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don’t know him well enough to discuss money with him.

 

 Excerpts from The Best of Dear Abby, 1981