Tag Archives: humor

Zee Whiz

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As the world’s top fashion designers sashay their versions of glam and the good life center stage, everyone shudders in anticipation and excitement.

Christian Dior shows a bold leopard print after five dress that swishes and purrs at every step. The off the shoulder look is an engineering feat that mesmerizes and intrigues.

This confection by Lanvin for H & M embraces a zebra print in an explosively stylish head to toe look that is best worn with attitude along with elbow length black leather gloves.

Best of show goes to Zedonk with the unusual combination of downy browny fur and some spicy black and white tights. It’s a perfect outfit for two pairs of peep-through spring flats.

De-Frosted

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I have been gone for a week when I go to the store on Thursday so I kinda stock up.  I buy pork, chicken, cheese, a couple of different kinds of lettuce, carrots, celery, humus, lemons, yogurt, english muffins and wine.  

Nothing like a full larder to make me feel competent and comforted.

Breezing toward the weekend, we have a doctored-up pizza Thursday night and spiced-up pork chops Friday. Saturday morning, I drop the frozen chicken breasts on the counter for a spell and then  shove them in the refrigerator just before we go and help Sig’s mother pack; she’s moving to a new apartment in May. 

Later, as I look at the wrapped un-cooked chicken, Sig offers to go out and pick something up. Yay, I say — he comes back with grilled chicken meals from KFC. I pick all of the meat off the bones.

The next day, we leave right after lunch for more packing.  It is nearly 6:00 when we come back home. I check my e-mail, finish reading the paper, talk to a friend — then, “Hey, are you cooking something tonight — or should I just eat cereal?”  

Chicken breasts, I think. After I saute the filets and serve them up with a pilaf and a salad, it occurs to me that de-frosted meat has waaay too much control.

Funeee!

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 Every day that I spend a little time on the internet, I am astounded at the inventiveness and good-natured humor that bubbles up from everywhere. The over 2 million people who have watched this video know exactly what I’m talking about.

Thanks Joyce, for sending it on.

Asparagus Stalk-er

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I have a new and unlikely hero. Euell Gibbons.

Gibbons was a naturalist and writer who did tv commercials in the seventies; typically he stood in a roadside ditch waving a cattail as he talked about living off the land. I thought he was a fruit cake wacko.

But the other day, I read an account of a 6 day camping trip he took with John McPhee one fall in Pennsylvania. Called The Forager, the story is part of Secret Ingredients, a collection of stories, mostly funny, from the New Yorker magazine on all things gastronomic.  

The two set out with a canoe, sleeping bags, nested pots and a Coleman stove. They did not carry any food supplies with them intending to gather all of their meals from the countryside. After the first few days, they agreed they would introduce, a meal at a time, certain staples such as salt and cooking oil picked up en route.

Euell Gibbons ate what he foraged because he liked it not because he was a survivalist. Left to his own devices he’d make liberal use of butter, eggs and spices.  

Along with describing the 16 meals they share, McPhee includes Gibbon’s wry observations about all manner of things and interesting details about his fully lived life. The fortunate reader gets to vicariously feast on dandelion roots, oyster mushrooms,  persimmons and catnip tea.  

Gibbons was 64 when he died in ’75. If he was alive today I bet he’d have a huge following with Tweets such as:  

Not suffering like the early Christians. 

Mushroom? Toadstool? Learn the good ones or die.

Toss out the crops. Eat the weeds.

I never was a hay burner.  

Cutesy

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Ok, there is Etsy, where you can buy all kinds of handmade and vintage stuff which led to Heartsy where you can get discount vouchers for stuff from Etsy and then there is Regretsy where Etsy products of questionable value are lampooned without mercy and without censorship.

Itsy and bitsy are still up for grabs if you don’t count the itsy bitsy spider song.

Hold the Hill

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When I was growing up my father would declare on certain spring mornings, “It’s time to Muck this place out.” He had spent quite a bit of time in the military where I think he first learned to love that call to cleaning action.  

What would follow is a purge of out-grown clothes, bits and parts of over-used toys and the general flotsam and jetsam created by a family of 5 kids and 2 adults.  

Nothing would do except to tackle a room with a three-step exercise: pile everything in the center of the room, study it, decide its fate. It was one of three Keep, Toss or Giveaway; the Decide Later option I see organizers of today use was not a choice. 

I think about this as I am  shifting things on my desk to claim a working surface.  Muck out, I say to myself. The first thing I pick up is a snow globe with a kitchen aid mixer in it. I shake it a few times and see that the snow drifts as faithfully as ever. I see from the sticker on the bottom that it cost $3.99 from my favorite salvage store. 

Does it deserve prime desk real estate?  Well, it’s witty. It doesn’t leak, it reflects light nicely, it even has solid wood base.  I put it back. No muck for the mixer this spring.

I’m inspired, you?

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Looks like everyone likely to eat pork have signed on. The pork people aren’t looking for new customers; they are going to get pork-lovers to eat more. They changed their slogan, Pork, The Other White Meat, to Pork Be Inspired.

Frankly I don’t have high hopes for the campaign.

If you ask me I think the pork people should do what the prune people did. When they found out prunes brought to mind constipated old people, they changed the name.  No less than the US Food and Drug Administration told the prune people, “Yes, you can call yourself dried plum people.”

So why not just rename pork? Call it … dinner. What’s for dinner, mom? Well, dinner is for dinner, son. Oh, yay, yay says son.   

While they’re at it, pork people need to own a holiday. Candy people sell 2 billion dollars worth on Halloween. Set up a meeting with the Santa Claus people before the dried plum people get around to it. Let it leak that the cookies and carrots thing is so over. Make Santa happy with a side of bacon, a nice pork medallion or ham’n beans.  

Well what do you know, I just became inspired by pork.