So here we have it, in one corner southern-belle-I’m-every-woman, Paula Deen. In the other corner the too-cool-for-school-formerly-known-as-Tony, Anthony Bourdain. And welcome to a Titan food fight.

Bourdain lobs the first fistful, “Paula” … “is dangerous for her artery clogging cooking.” Deen fires back, lambasting him for a high falutin’ attitude and a penchant for chronic irritability.

Bourdain fancies himself a gourmand, Deen relishes being a cook.

Here come the food critics out of the bushes. In smart prose, they skewer the two and find way greater meaning in their discourse than ever was supposed. Access and finances prevent people from eating right. Convenience and ease trump healthy choices. It’s a holy war for the supper tables of America.

With all due respect to the Food Network, I really don’t believe I can put my food choices, healthy or not, at your feet. I have long ago understood that I am what I eat. Sometimes I want a creamy home-made mac and cheese and sometimes I want a sautéed sliver of tenderloin with a wine reduction.

What I need is someone to make this stuff and actually put it on my table cause I’m busy doing something else very important. When you’re ready to step up, let me know.